The Genius in Music Lyrics...

Being that I have so much free time on my hands, I have recently been listening to and analyzing a plethora of of songs. A few lyrics in particular caught my attention. Not because of the obscenely high notes they were sung in, or because they reminded me of those old nursery rhymes we were all forced to endure in the wee ages of our childhood; but rather because of the truth that they entail. In this newest addition to my blog, I wish to discuss some of these brilliant truths with you.

Truth Number 1:
This first essential truth can be found in Robert Palmer's Bad Case of Loving You. The opening line of the second verse states "a pretty face don't make no pretty heart". This statement is one that is essential to remember for all aspects of life. Most of all when trying to find yourself a partner. You must always remember that there is more to a person than what is on the outside. You can find the most beautiful specimen in the history of the world, you can think the world of this person. You can be convinced that this person is the one for you and that what you have is flawless and everlasting; that is until your partner decides otherwise. You will be racking your brain for what will seem like eternity for a possible explanation to this irrational behavior, and you most probably won't find one. That is until you come across this post and understand that it is because you overlooked the most important part of your partner; The Heart. Mr. Palmer said it best... just because the face is pretty doesn't say anything about whats on the inside.

Truth Number 2:
The next essential truth can be found in the third verse of the song Hero of Love, by LIVE. "A saint is a sinner, a sinner is a saint. It's all just the cloaks we hide behind, a cartoon in the brain". A truer statement has never been said my dearest readers. LIVE are telling us to be careful. Much like what Mr. Palmer said regarding not falling for the beautiful facade on the outside, here we are being told not to unthinkingly trust the outer shell of a person. "A saint is a sinner, a sinner is a saint", once again we are being told that we can't judge based on the outer appearance of things. We must look beyond the cloak they are hiding behind and see the truth underneath. While this may seem extremely difficult sometimes due to the persuasiveness of these facades, you can not let yourself be fooled.

Truth Number 3
The next essential truth is found in the rock n' roll classic You Give Love A Bad Name written by none other than Mr. John Bon Jovi himself. In the first verse of this masterpiece, Mr. Jovi writes: "An angel's smile is what you sell, you promise me heaven then you put me through hell". I don't think I could have chosen a more appropriate truth to finish off this entry with. This sentence not only fits ideally with our previous two truths, but it also brings in a whole new aspect. The verbal deception. Mr. Jovi teaches us that not only do we have to be cautious about deceiving appearances and actions, but to also be extremely cautious when it comes to verbal confrontations. You can not be fooled by a hefty promise, or persuaded by a few kind words. You must train yourself to be aware of these scammers and deceivers alike.

The pleasure you will gain from the temporary happiness and felicity you might gain from falling into the clutches of these scam artists is not worth the emotional and/or physical distress that you will be caused once you realize too late that they were deceiving you the entire time. I am trying to be a friendly author here and doing my best to warn my loyal readers about the numerous forms of evil that are out there in this wonderful sphere we call home. Watch your backs my friends, and be careful who you decide to associate with.

Adios, Arrivederchi, and Adieu my brethren... Until next time that is.

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Listening to: Robert Palmer - Bad Case of Loving You

The Decline of Modern Literature

I will start off this piece with a question. What happened in the world to lower the standards of the literary community? You may ask yourself "What the hell is this guy talking about? I just read an absolutely phenomenal book, it was a best seller for weeks...". What I'm trying to say is that the fact that a book is on a best sellers list should be more of a reason not to read a book than to read one. Please allow me to explain myself. Back in the day of literary grandeur books known as 'classics' or 'best sellers' were deemed so because of the important lessons learned within their pages and not because of their 'wicked cool story lines'. Today, just about every 'best seller' can be summed up in a single paragraph.

Mr. ___ has found a mysterious ___. Unfortunately for Mr. ___, the extremely wealthy yet extremely evil Sir ___ has found the same mysterious ___. Mr. ____ will race against Sir ___ to get hold of the mysterious ___ and save mankind from eternal damnation at the hands of an evil twisted man. In the process of Mr. ___'s totally unexpected adventure, he runs in to the beautiful, sexy Ms. ___. It just so happens to be that Ms. ___ is an expert on the history of the mysterious ___(... amazing, I know). Mr. ___ and Ms. ___ narrowly escape death in a one week period more than a hundred people will do so in a lifetime. Somehow in the process of this action packed race to find the mysterious ___, Mr. ___ and Ms. ___ will find themselves in a five star hotel and have extremely romantic sex around a hundred times. This is all happening while the two of them are being hunted by Sir ___'s master assassins. The race will lead them all around the world, and just when all hope seems lost for our two noble heroes, they stumble upon one final clue which will lead them directly to the ancient hidden palace in which the mysterious ___ lies. Once Mr. ___ and the soon to be Mrs. ___ see the mysterious ___ they realize the full magnitude of their discovery and oh so nobly decide that the world would be a better place if their discovery remained hidden, or better yet was destroyed completely. In the end, the couple of heroes live happily ever after in their newly acquired multi-million dollar/euro/pound mansion that they just bought in honor of their recent marriage. The End... Oh yeah, in case your wondering what happened to the evil Sir ___, just as he was about to stumble upon the mysterious ___ he was caught by a customs official who happened to have spotted him at a local airport while on vacation.

Now can someone please explain to me what the fuck the deal with that is? I mean come on, what happened to real 'classics' like those written by Twain or Hemingway? Now those were good freaking books. None of this cliche predictable bullshit. If you want to read a good book, you're probably better off looking at some loser's online blog about books and see what his favorites are than you are at taking one off one of the oh so great 'best seller' lists. All I am asking is for the people of planet earth to go back to its past days of sophisticated literature rather than remain at its current stage which is no more amazing than a group of monkeys playing with some typewriters.

Text Messages... Wow do they F%$# you over big time...

I recently came to the realization that text messages are the creation of none other than the Devil himself. I know you are all probably thinking either 1) that I am completely out of my mind or 2) that you want to kick my ass for saying such a thing about your precious text messages. Before I had this life altering epiphany I was as mixture of both the aforementioned groups. But now my dear readers I have seen the light and am now on the path of purity. Before you angrily click that nice fat X in the right corner up there let me present to you my case.

WHY TEXT MESSAGES ARE THE WORK OF SATAN:

1. There is no possible way to read emotions through text messages. You can have the intention of asking a simple question, and instead it will be taken as some sort of angry attack on the receiver. EX: Sent Message- Why did you call me yesterday? Perceived Message- WHAT THE F%$# WERE YOU DOING CALLING ME YESTERDAY?
2. There is no speedier way to get Arthritis and other variations of the disease than by repeatedly using your hands/fingers without pause... COUGH*... texting... COUGH*
3. It is extremely irritating to be sitting with friends relaxing in the middle of which one or more of said relaxing people takes out their cellular device and starts texting away with total disregard to the remaining more considerate people.

The list goes on my friends. I just thought it was my duty to warn all my loyal readers out there that our old buddy Lucifer was out to get us yet again. There is no need to thank me. Knowing that I have just saved each and every one of your souls from eternal damnation is thanks enough.

Until next time... yours truly ______.

The Riddle of the Sphinx

I was recently reading the fourth installment of the Harry Potter series. As usual, when I got up to the Third Task, when Harry is in the maze and finds a Sphinx, J.K.'s utter brilliance got me thinking about making a Sphinx Riddle of my own. Until now, I have never really gone farther than just thinking about making a riddle. Now I have decided to take it one step farther and actually do it. I am finally going to fulfill my dream of creating my very own Sphinx Riddle. While I dont plan on it even coming close to the awesomeness of J.K.'s, I think you will all be quite impressed. I wish you all the best of luck, and just leave a comment with what you think will be the answer.

First think of an item found outside one's home,
Used to keep out dark, filthy loam.
Next think of a term used on the street,
For part of a car; neither engine nor seat.
Now think of an expression you commonly use,
When you get wind of some unexpected news.
Lastly think of a word much like knife knelt and known,
That is part of your body; in fact its a bone.

Now string these thing together to find what is said to be holy,
But as time goes on deteriorates slowly.

Choices and Responsibility

Throughout my life I will have the opportunity to make many choices. Whether or not the choices I make are the correct ones is not the business of anyone but me. One major example of this is ditching class. By me ditching class, I give up my ability to gain new knowledge. In my opinion, which I’m sure by no coincidence is the opinion of every other student in school; it is punishment enough to get points taken off our report card for doing this. The fact that an essay is then “assigned” in addition to the point subtraction is absolutely moronic. These purposeless essays don’t teach students a lesson, but rather turn nice calm students into cynical haters.

I know that in my case, throughout my oh-so wonderful high school career, I have been hassled about my hair about six times a year a minimum. Until the first time that I was threatened to be suspended if I didn’t cut my hair I was a particularly nice, quiet, respectful young man. Once the administration started to stick its head into my business (which by the way it had no place being) I was transformed. Since the administration asked me to cut my hair, I have had one question, which to my disappointment, has never been answered. The question is this: Did the Patriarchs of our religion cut their hair? Did the giver of our Torah from God to the Jewish people, Moses, cut his hair? Did anybody cut their hair before this new era of modern orthodoxy? The response – or perhaps more appropriately the excuse of an answer – that was given to me was: “It’s not Mentsch-like.” Now don’t get me wrong, I respect the choice of the rabbis perhaps not answering me, but unfortunately this was not the case. Instead of either ignoring my question, or giving me a proper explanation, they chose to give me a ridiculous response barely relevant to my question. Their response was like someone responding ballet to the question of who is your favorite band. I wanted to do my best to mirror the ways of my Jewish ancestry who in yeshiva are talked about oh-so highly, but the administration took that right away from me – threatening to kick me out of school.

Choices are an integral part of someone’s life. The school is always preaching about preparing us for college and life thereafter. Then answer me this: in college do they make you write ridiculous essays if you choose not to go to class? When I’m married, will my wife make me write an essay for choosing not to go torture myself at a dinner party? Just in case you can’t figure it out these questions were rhetorical. The answer is NO. Nobody will ever make me write an essay for choosing to not do something. All in all, in my opinion, the title of this oh-so well thought about essay should be called “Not Having the Freedom to Make the Proper Choices and Responsibility” rather that just “Choices and Responsibility,” because that is what the administration is doing – not allowing students to make their own choices. I think that the administration who spends days sitting down doing nothing but annoy students by unjustly taking their possessions away should get together and make use of their time by maybe thinking up some more brilliant topics to help us students brush up on our English skills. I just ask one thing, try not to make them as much fun as this one was (– this was meant as a punishment right?)

School Politics

I would like to discuss with you some issues that I have with the politics of one certain fictional school. For arguments sake lets call this school Honor Chatamah, which is a private school in the fictional town of Dusterchar in the fictional state of Rewonky.

Recently, Honor Chatamah had their administration cleaned out, and replaced by a new super cool, hip administrator... NOT!!! He was everything but super cool and hip. His name was Iceman Halfride. Iceman was not a very nice guy. He seemed to enjoy ruining the lives of the student body he now presided over a little too much for the liking of many people, including his colleagues. With Iceman came a wide array of rules and regulations, every single one of which was more nonsensical than the last. As ridiculous as these rules were, they are not what my problem is with. My problem is with the fact that Honor Chatamah prides itself on the fact that it is one of the few schools that is truly run in a democratic fashion. They claim that every single thing that is done, is for the good of the students, when it seems that every little thing they do is done for the benefit of the administration and simply to spite the students.

From one of my contacts inside Chatamah I was told that one student by the name of Brew Ramden was suspended for writing some extremely brilliant essays about a fictional pride of lions. Another bunch of students were constantly reprimanded for sitting on a couch, (apparently it was one of those couches not meant for sitting on). At one point Iceman even decided to give a curfew to a large number of students simply for attending a birthday party for a friend of theirs.

I think that it is safe to say that one thing just about every democracy prides itself on, is its right to trial by jury. Now if Chatamah is so democratic, then explain to me this: Why did not one of these students have a proper trial? Why were their punishments decided outright by a fascist dictator who barged in on their school uninvited? I don’t know about you, but that sure doesn’t sound very democratic to me. How can it be that a democratic establishment such as Honor Chatamah keeps getting away with acting in this dictatorship-like manner? Simple; up until this point nobody has had the courage to stand up to Iceman and his fascist cohorts. This has got to change. With the coming of new students every year, comes many new opportunities. Opportunities to not only rid the school of its fascist leader, but opportunities to restore the school back to how it was before it was invaded.

I am not going to lie to you and tell you that it will be easy, because it will be everything but. Iceman has been known to fight long and hard for his causes, no matter how sick and obscene they are. I’ve been told that his wars have the tendency to be pretty explosive at times. This is not to mention the fact that Iceman has gotten a huge backing since he first invaded Chatamah. In a previous lifetime of mine I was in a similar situation to that which you are in. I had to rid an establishment of their evil leaders. The way I managed to do this was with a secret weapon developed by some Estonian scientists in the 30’s. It was called the annexation of Puerto Rico, or Operation X to those on the outside. It was originally devised as an extremely complicated football play to be used only as a last ditch effort to defeat their rival power plant’s football team. Through sources undisclosed, I gained knowledge of Operation X and decided to try it out in a real world scenario. My time here is short, so I can’t tell you the exact details, but let’s just say that their leader won’t be forcing rules upon anyone else for quite some time. He is now working on a tobacco plantation deep in the heart of Zaire in Africa where he is now getting to know how it feels to be ruled by a sick and twisted dictator.

My time here has expired, so please allow me to leave you with one final message. You the younger students of Honor Chatamah are the ones with the power to make a difference in the world of private schools for ever and ever. You have the ability to be put down in the books at the saviors of private schools around the world. Your example of not falling for the antics of a dictator, who will try to push himself and his rules upon you, will set an example for schools present and future. I leave you with one final warning. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ICEMAN!!! He is a ruthless man with no moral standards. Don’t let the fact that you are merely children fool you in to thinking that he will be easy on you. He will treat you no differently than he would a fully grown warrior. Remember, the annexation of Puerto Rico is to be used only as a last ditch effort, for its results can be devastating for you as well as Iceman. Now I bid you farewell, and wish you only luck and success in your future endeavors.